I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
