Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i've created a new STD.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
