TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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