at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
