I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
