i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
