So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
