I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
