That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
