T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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