Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My cat gives me a boner
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
