Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
