haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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