My first STD was from a foam party
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
