I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
