I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
