I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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