We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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