u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
