If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
