i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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