I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
