I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
