We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
