Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
