was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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