dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
