just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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