I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
