no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
