She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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