My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
