I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
