Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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