remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
