saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
