i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
