I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
