you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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