What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
