we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
