Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
