operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
