nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
