I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Randomize
