Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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