listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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