..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
