we have pet lesbian snakes
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
