i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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