and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
