Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
