Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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