She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
