Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
